literally lost for words. i'm so sorry about your brother -- i know that doesn't account for much at all. i can't even imagine how you must feel. the part about your stepdad never living for himself again made my eyes glaze over, then you made me giggle with: worst yet, what if they grow up to be republican? the horror.
Wow June, what a piece. I acknowledge that I may never understand these feelings the way a woman does, but some of these thoughts haunt me as well.
I specifically loved the part about a child being brought into this world happening without them asking for it, how could you then not love it unconditionally? Something I will never understand.
you articulated so beautiful the dilemma of bringing life into a world which has showed you so much pain. the way you described motherhood, as the ultimate sacrifice, rings so true, because it really is isnβt it? even if maintaining your independence is possible to an extent, desiring and experiencing that kind of unconditional love is no doubt something that would change you. i think the question that stops a lot of people is how drawn you feel to experience that in spite of how terrifying it is. and i agree, itβs made all the more terrifying having witnessed how loving and then losing can truly break a person. beautifully written piece π€
oh my. "The world is not made for her spirit; it doesnβt know how to sit with all that she is and can be. It tries to tame her, to keep her quiet because it senses her power, and to maintain a balance, it must challenge her right to use it." THIS almost had me in tears <3
I feel I got to know you better, it is something I sometimes think about too. Do I (selfishly) put a child into this sometimes terrible world, can I live with that knowing I have a choice? I have always wanted to be a mother, I would be a great one. Especially because I am working on the generational trauma as we speak, just to make sure it ends somewhat with me. But still, it's a thought that I have some days. And I think it's important to talk about that too, apparently with strangers π€ͺ Anyhow, you inspired me to write a piece about it. I will share it when it's published. You made me think June, I love that. Thank you for that.
I am back in the Substack world next week after my insane month of travel and obligations and I cannot wait to read this, Sanne! I am honored to have inspired your art π«Άπ«Ά
Wow this was honestly both beautiful and tear jerking...i feel the emotions all the way through this piece and it gave a clear and honest insight into your thoughts and feelings on such a delicate topic. I nevwr wanted children simply for a lot of the reason you describe yourself. Thw universe had other ideas and i found myself pregnant at 16. This i feel happened for a reason and i believe it was something that saved me. I can see how this can he such a difficult decision and something i would suggest is just leaving it to fate...if you were open to that of course i thino it is something that will happen if it is supposed to maybe that is the best way for you to navigate this...sending you love though as this one was deep and honest and raw π€πΈ thank you for sharing it with us π€
oh my this was breathtaking. honestly, a big fear of having a child is that she will be like me and I will have to do as my mum did and watch my daughter destroy herself. i selfishly donβt think i could be as strong as her. this was beautiful <3
I appreciate and admire your honesty about this, especially since I see this in much the same way.
Kids can be a blessing, but they sure as hell can also be a curse, and Iβm too selfish to deal with the possibility of that for the rest of my life. Granted, Iβm not dating anyone and have no desire to, so if I were to meet someone at some point, my opinion could change. But it also might stay just the same.
My brother found himself in a crap situation as of recently. A person who adamantly stated they never wanted to be a father is about to become one because he didnβt have it in him to say no to his 38-year-old girlfriend, desperate for a child. In my eyes, I pity the kid. Born out of sheer selfishness of two people who canβt last together. Iβd much rather never have kids than know Iβll screw my kid up.
Itβs a tough question, no doubt. I donβt have a motherly instinct developed, but maybe itβll develop with time. Idk, all I know is that I prefer not to think about it if Iβm honest. Life is messy as it is already.
Sending you love π«ΆπΌ Iβm aware I didnβt contribute much to this conversation, but I wanted to share my thoughts nonetheless.
June, this was beautiful. You expressed a lot of the guilt I had about wanting kids (MH issues to the max, unending career goals, and being unsure if I would love them enough to stop being a party girl.) After pregnancy losses and almost losing my marriage due to grief, we decided to try again. And I have to practice living in the moment every day because the future is not certain. And my two goobs fit into my life so well I couldnβt imagine it without them. But no one is less than or more than for being able to (or not being able to) have kids, mentally or physically. And whatever you choose or donβt choose, your life will adapt to it beautifully π
Wow! What a brave and vulnerable piece of writing this is. So much here. I can sense your journey here and I appreciate the honesty contained in these reflections and wondering. Youβre embracing so much uncertainty and possibility.
This during come without the intent to stare down fear with compassion. ππΎ
literally lost for words. i'm so sorry about your brother -- i know that doesn't account for much at all. i can't even imagine how you must feel. the part about your stepdad never living for himself again made my eyes glaze over, then you made me giggle with: worst yet, what if they grow up to be republican? the horror.
Wow June, what a piece. I acknowledge that I may never understand these feelings the way a woman does, but some of these thoughts haunt me as well.
I specifically loved the part about a child being brought into this world happening without them asking for it, how could you then not love it unconditionally? Something I will never understand.
you articulated so beautiful the dilemma of bringing life into a world which has showed you so much pain. the way you described motherhood, as the ultimate sacrifice, rings so true, because it really is isnβt it? even if maintaining your independence is possible to an extent, desiring and experiencing that kind of unconditional love is no doubt something that would change you. i think the question that stops a lot of people is how drawn you feel to experience that in spite of how terrifying it is. and i agree, itβs made all the more terrifying having witnessed how loving and then losing can truly break a person. beautifully written piece π€
oh my. "The world is not made for her spirit; it doesnβt know how to sit with all that she is and can be. It tries to tame her, to keep her quiet because it senses her power, and to maintain a balance, it must challenge her right to use it." THIS almost had me in tears <3
I feel I got to know you better, it is something I sometimes think about too. Do I (selfishly) put a child into this sometimes terrible world, can I live with that knowing I have a choice? I have always wanted to be a mother, I would be a great one. Especially because I am working on the generational trauma as we speak, just to make sure it ends somewhat with me. But still, it's a thought that I have some days. And I think it's important to talk about that too, apparently with strangers π€ͺ Anyhow, you inspired me to write a piece about it. I will share it when it's published. You made me think June, I love that. Thank you for that.
Posted my piece! Thanks for inspiring me June β€οΈ https://experimentsforhappyhumans.substack.com/p/our-parents-owe-us-all-and-we-owe
I am back in the Substack world next week after my insane month of travel and obligations and I cannot wait to read this, Sanne! I am honored to have inspired your art π«Άπ«Ά
Wow this was honestly both beautiful and tear jerking...i feel the emotions all the way through this piece and it gave a clear and honest insight into your thoughts and feelings on such a delicate topic. I nevwr wanted children simply for a lot of the reason you describe yourself. Thw universe had other ideas and i found myself pregnant at 16. This i feel happened for a reason and i believe it was something that saved me. I can see how this can he such a difficult decision and something i would suggest is just leaving it to fate...if you were open to that of course i thino it is something that will happen if it is supposed to maybe that is the best way for you to navigate this...sending you love though as this one was deep and honest and raw π€πΈ thank you for sharing it with us π€
oh my this was breathtaking. honestly, a big fear of having a child is that she will be like me and I will have to do as my mum did and watch my daughter destroy herself. i selfishly donβt think i could be as strong as her. this was beautiful <3
I appreciate and admire your honesty about this, especially since I see this in much the same way.
Kids can be a blessing, but they sure as hell can also be a curse, and Iβm too selfish to deal with the possibility of that for the rest of my life. Granted, Iβm not dating anyone and have no desire to, so if I were to meet someone at some point, my opinion could change. But it also might stay just the same.
My brother found himself in a crap situation as of recently. A person who adamantly stated they never wanted to be a father is about to become one because he didnβt have it in him to say no to his 38-year-old girlfriend, desperate for a child. In my eyes, I pity the kid. Born out of sheer selfishness of two people who canβt last together. Iβd much rather never have kids than know Iβll screw my kid up.
Itβs a tough question, no doubt. I donβt have a motherly instinct developed, but maybe itβll develop with time. Idk, all I know is that I prefer not to think about it if Iβm honest. Life is messy as it is already.
Sending you love π«ΆπΌ Iβm aware I didnβt contribute much to this conversation, but I wanted to share my thoughts nonetheless.
posted for the first time love if anyone can read it thanks xo
June, this was beautiful. You expressed a lot of the guilt I had about wanting kids (MH issues to the max, unending career goals, and being unsure if I would love them enough to stop being a party girl.) After pregnancy losses and almost losing my marriage due to grief, we decided to try again. And I have to practice living in the moment every day because the future is not certain. And my two goobs fit into my life so well I couldnβt imagine it without them. But no one is less than or more than for being able to (or not being able to) have kids, mentally or physically. And whatever you choose or donβt choose, your life will adapt to it beautifully π
Wow! What a brave and vulnerable piece of writing this is. So much here. I can sense your journey here and I appreciate the honesty contained in these reflections and wondering. Youβre embracing so much uncertainty and possibility.
This during come without the intent to stare down fear with compassion. ππΎ