to be or not to be: mother

the great debate, the twinkle in my eye, the pit in my stomach

Content warning: Eating disorders, child-loss, and addiction.

Today, I was standing in my kitchen, innocently preparing breakfast, when my brain spontaneously decided to name my fictitious future child. The one I have all but sworn to never have.

Maybe it’s my age and hormones doing their thing to preserve the species, though I wish I could tell it that …